Alter Ego Project

For this project, I had an extremely hard time coming up with an idea of what would truly represent me. On the assignment sheet, one of the prompts listed was, "Are you a different person in different situations/settings?" This really stuck out to me. I realized that the best representation of my "alter ego" would be to portray what I feel in my mind, versus what I actually present to those around me. I often think about the facade that I put on in group settings, but I know when I am at home I act and think very differently. I have always been the type of person who refuses to let others see my true emotions and struggles, and I tend to put a "plastered" smile on my face when I am in public despite what I am truly feeling inside. When researching different artists that incorporated this type of deeper meaning in their work, I was really attracted to both Frida Kahlo and Francesca Woodman. I have always been fascinated by Frida Kahlo's work, but it wasn't until this project that I made a connection between her pieces and my intentions for my alter ego. In Kahlo's work, she often portrays herself in many different ways. She was severely injured during her life, and used this in her artwork to show her inner self versus her outer self. This is exactly what I wanted to do for my project, as well. When looking at Woodman's work, she shows different internal struggles through different media, which I found to be extremely interesting. When going back to my own project, I realized that I would have to be somewhat vulnerable in front of my classmates, which is something I am still not entirely comfortable with. Despite my hesitations, I decided to proceed with my original idea for the project. All my life, I have struggled with severe anxiety and depression. I have been medicated for this for many years, and often make jokes about being on medication as a way of coping with my condition. I never really let people know the true limitations these conditions have placed on my life, one of them being my relationship with food. Eating has always made me extremely uncomfortable and food has never been a "friend" of mine. I have always used art as a type of therapeutic tool for me and I wanted to finally show my inner struggles in my project, rather than masking them behind a facade. I used acrylic paint on canvas to convey this. For the background, I liquified several cool, subtle colors using a matte medium and added them in layers into a single cup. I then poured the cup over the canvas in order to create a "marble-like" pattern. This represents the constant motion of my thoughts and the mild color scheme represents my shyness. I then painted a gray, emaciated body on top of this. This represents my anxiety, depression, and hatred of the way I view food. I painted the entire body gray because I feel that this color represents my struggles, and is a nice contrast to the background that is filled with different shades of blue. I am still not 100% confident knowing that I will have to present this project in front of the class, but I am willing to take the risk. I really enjoyed this project, despite how incredibly difficult it was for me.