Final Artist Statement

Trigeminal Transcendence 

Artist Statement:

About 6 months ago I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia, which is a chronic pain condition affecting the trigeminal nerve (cranial nerve located on the sides of your face.) On average I get 2-3 episodes of pain a week and on a scale from 1-10 the pain usually spikes to a 12 and sometimes a 14, ranging from an hour to 6 hours. My neurologist prescribed me muscle relaxers on top of one of the strongest painkillers called Zohydro Codone (vicodin). It is illegal to produce in most states (including California) but can still be sold here through a pharmacy. I had to order mine from Mexico and it took the longest week of my life to arrive. Funny fact, my neurologist also told me it’s the closest thing to heroin in a smaller dose. So at least a small perk of this condition is that I get some street creds.

The effects of this painkiller is very gradual, and it slowly numbs your entire body out. It can give you an out of the body experience because you can’t feel the weight of your body and it does not feel like you are inside yourself. Sometimes if the pain gets really bad and I have to take two, but that is the limit. Adding another pill can sometimes make me very dizzy and cause nausea. As bad as that sounds, the side effects beat having to go through the pain. The pain feels like a thousand needles stabbing me all over my face. It also causes my muscles to cramp up from being so tense. Do you remember when you were a kid and your tooth would fall out and your gums would be so sensitive? Well picture someone stabbing that with needles. That's a glimpse of what the pain can feel like, it's hard to express it in words.

For this project I wanted to do a series of 6 automatic drawings that are 4 1/2 feet long on white paper. I wanted to experience what kind of art I could express while I was coming down from my pain. So for every episode I experienced over the course of a week and a half I would do two drawings. One drawing during the pain and one after the pain killer started to work. This way you can see how much the drugs affect my body. It was very difficult to draw while in pain, not only was it a mental battle to keep going but half the time my eyes were shut. It helped me deal with the pain with my eyes were closed. So when I felt done I would open my eyes to reveal gestures that I would have never thought to make. And once I was done I would take the painkiller and wait till it kicked in. It was a surreal experience to be able to draw while my entire body was numb. My mind was completely clear and I knew exactly where I wanted my hand to go but my body was slow and not a precise as I wanted. It was a mental struggle and I had a hard time accepting the art that I created. I am the type of artist who needs to be in control so this was a very different approach for me. The reason why I wanted to use such a wide sheet of paper was so that I could use my entire arm spade and move freely across my drawing. This part of the project was liberating and I loved being able to swing my arms around.

Artist Bio:

Kristi Fujii was born in Fremont, California in 1994. She is receiving her BFA from Chapman University this year. Kristi has exhibited her works in numerous shows on campus as well as off campus at “A la minute”. She used to be a graphic design major but recently in the past year has found her calling in painting and drawing. Most of her work deals with how the body interacts with the mind through physical and psychological conditions. She is now located in Orange, California but will be moving to San Jose to continue her work as a graduated artist.